So! I updated my resume today, and sent in two applications to Best Buy since I saw they had openings for sale associates, replenishment, and their Geek Squad. I’d love to work for the Geek Squad. It’s something that I’m very knowledgeable in and love helping people with. I went there today to ask if my application’s been looked at and to drop off my resume on top of that, but… they told me nothing and even refused to take my resume stating that they do all of their new hiring strictly through the computer and that if I was called in for an interview, to bring my resume then. I felt slightly embarrassed and even selfish/stupid for coming in in the first place after that, but at the same time I’m glad I went in. I tried and did my best, and it brought me out of my bubble a bit. Pushed me beyond my comfort level, which is a good thing.

Also going to be re-applying at Petco and Fred Meyer. While I would prefer to work in something involving computers, I still just need to have a stable and decent job. I can’t be too picky. Manda and I need to move out as soon as we’re able, and then I can look for something that I would like better. But for now. New job. Somewhere. Making at least slightly better than I am now and at full-time would be fantastic.

I also need to push myself to be on top of studying for the CompTIA A+ certificate exam, and studying Japanese. There’s no reason why I shouldn’t be learning things right now. I have everything that I need to move forward at my disposal, it’s just a matter of motivation, which I find hard to come by even though I desperately want (and need) to move forward in my life. I’m guessing it’s just going to take me sucking it up and plowing through things even if I don’t feel like it. Isn’t that what life is all about? Doing things you don’t want to.

So, that’s where I’m at. Square one (maybe one and half). 新しい仕事を求める。

Now, I know no one ever comes here to read my (pointless) blog posts, but I do feel a need to write a post. It feels weird, it’s like I’m writing this post TO my blog, as if it’s a human being.

A lot of things have changed. I’d say some good, some not so good, but overall it’s been good. There are things I miss, new things I now… don’t like -cough-job-cough-, and new things to strive for. But I suppose all of those things are qualities in growth and change.

Things that I miss.

I miss simplicity. With my current job I work weekdays, from 6:30 to 3:00. At first I associated it to being like back in school again. Had to get up early, get ready, run out and catch my bus on time, work, and then come home and I had the rest of the day to do whatever while looking forward to the weekend to come. A lot like your typical school schedule, no?

The only difference being… when I come home, I feel stressed. When I was younger and came home from school, I felt like the world was mine to do what I wished. I’d come inside from the swirling heat of outside; I’d kick off my shoes and throw off my socks as I basked in the cool air stirred by the air conditioning unit, and all my muscles and bones relaxed at that moment. I was home. I was in my place of familiarity. If I didn’t have homework to do, it was TV time. I had to catch my cartoons. I needed to know what happened to Pikachu and Ash after their last spill with Team Rocket. I needed to catch the first airing of that new cartoon about the personal robots that was your best friend who would fight battles for you.

Those small, innocent moments, are the things that I miss. I feel like I don’t have that anymore. Or at least at the moment I don’t. Maybe… hopefully (and I do hope, a lot) it will come back to me. Where I’ll be able to come home from work (and soon, hopefully school) and be able to relax and not worry about anything.

Things that I now don’t like.

My job. While I am very grateful that I have it, and that it provides a way for me to bring in even the slightest bit of money, doesn’t mean I have to like it. It’s not the people that work there or anything like that. It’s simply just… not the field I want to be in. I’m a technology whore, to be put bluntly. I get chills and shivers down my spine when I see a new gadget (like the iPad or Playstation Vita for examples). I have a thing for robots. Yes. Robots. I have always, since I was eight/nine years old and programmed my first Qbasic program, wanted to build and program a robot. And not just any robot. A robot that was intelligent, and aware of the people and environment surrounding him (NAO^T2).

So, my choice of field as a career is Computer Science. I want to program, I want to build, I want to get my hands dirty in putting together computers or some mechanical beast that could tear a cow in half (not really though). I love thinking, I love coming up with new ways and strategies to accomplish things. I love studying and researching topics, and coming up with solutions. I am not someone who can be told “okay, pick up these boxes and place them over here for the next 8 hours” and be happy about it. Now, I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that type of work, I’m just saying it’s not for me. I’d rather sit at a desk, in front of a large computer screen, with cool air drafting down my back and a cup of coffee at hand, and work (with my shoes off). And I realize that something like that isn’t going to just drop in my lap, which brings me to my next topic.

Things to strive for.

Goals. I love having goals. I’m the type of person that would spend seven hours planning out how to do something that would only really take fifteen minutes to accomplish. In a way, I guess you could say I’m a slight perfectionist. There is nothing more satisfying than feeling that “tick” of accomplishment when you’ve hit a goal you’ve set. It’s like a wave of satisfaction rolls over you, and you just fall into it and let it take you on a ride of relaxation and relief.

I currently have a few goals.

A) Find a new job.
It doesn’t have to be what I described earlier in this post, but I’d like it to be at least in the computer field (and certainly pay more than what I have now).

B) Get back in school.
I’ve only completed my first year of college, and that was only core classes. How am I to expect to find a nice, stable job in the computer science industry if I don’t have a degree of some sort in computer science? Quite honestly, this is something I would be willing to take beyond a simple bachelors degree. I don’t think having a simple BA would satisfy my hunger to learn and strive for more for very long. Education in the sense of personal and intellectual growth, tickle my fancy, and I want to push myself beyond the limits of what I believe I’ll hit.

C) Move out into my own apartment.
Family is great. They help and provide you with essentials in the time of need. But it’s not something that I believe should be over-used. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone, and take up a room that could be potentially used for something or someone else. So, I want my own apartment, with my own furniture, with my own food, with my own smell (yes, smell plays an important role in your living environment). Nothing fancy at first, I know. But at least it would be mine. But, as everything else in my goals list, I can continue to work on it and strive for something better. Maybe somewhere with a nice view of the water.

Conclusion.

So! As you see, I am in a slight rut. I’m not satisfied whole-heartily with where I’m at in life, but it’s not the end of the world. There is work to be done and things to be accomplished. Nothing is easy, and it takes hard work to bring your dreams and ambitions to life. So with that, I hope you have a good day, and I hope this post has inspired you to do more and work on your own dreams and goals.

Not really. Especially since I needed Manda to explain to me wtf a prude was to begin with.

But why am I no longer a prude you ask!? Why by golly, I’ve gotten my ears pierced! Finally. It’s been something that’s been in the back of my head for a very long time now, and I’ve finally had the chance to bring it to fruition. The final decision to get them pierced was more-or-less made on a whim as I was walking to Manda’s work to meet her for lunch. There’s a tattoo place (Slave to the Needle) that you walk by on the way there which set the hamster wheel turning in my head. Told Manda about it, aaaand that same day (after Manda got off from work) I got them pierced. I do want to stretch them a bit, but not too much. Just enough to fit another ring inside the hole, like this!

But again. Not sure if I’ll stretch them out as much as Ruki has. Manda and I also decided on getting the top of our ears pierced as well. It’s going to hurt like hell because its cartilage, but 8D; yeah. We’re going back in 2 months after my ears heal to stretch mine to the next gauge size (currently a 12) and possibly get the other piercings as well. Eventually I’d like to have 3 on top of my ears. But that’ll happen with time :3 can’t just jump in and do it all at once. Aaand at some point, going to get my lip pierced, and I’ve been thinking of getting a small tattoo somewhere. Just not sure what I want though.

But, enough of the piercing stuff. I’m still on the hunt for a job. I’ve had two interviews so far, but no call backs. I have to admit, it’s getting to be a bit depressing. I don’t like that I have nothing to do other than… keep manda and I’s room clean, or do laundry. I want to work on saving up money, getting back in school, and working on the things that I want to do and accomplish. Yet, can’t do anything without a job and some sort of income. Even if it’s just a little. The problem also isn’t that there isn’t anyone hiring around here. There’s plenty of places that are hiring, it’s just that I don’t have any job experience. I’ve been shooting for retail, but again, people are looking for possible employee’s with retail experience. Which… kinda only pisses me off. How the fuck am I supposed to get said experience when no one wants to hire me in the first place? What the fuck do I have to do? I’ve gone to over 17 stores now in this past month, and yet nothing.

Now I feel angry and want to eat chocolate or something. So I’m going to go do that now >O

Till next time!

Mmn. I did finally make my move to Seattle a couple weeks ago (March 30, 2011 to be exact :B). It was a big and thing to do, but it was for the best. I’m starting my life now, beginning to head in my own direction and achieve and do the things that I set my mind towards, and I’m very lucky to say I won’t be making those decisions or journey alone. Manda is also moving here <3 and will be here in 4 days! I’m so excited and nervous and… every possible emotion there is all bundled up in a nice little package. I can’t wait to see her <3 miss her very much ;-;

I’ve gotten a lot of things marked off from my “to-do list” on setting up residency and what-not. Honestly, only thing I really have left to work on is a resume and job 8D; Manda and I decided to work for about a year to save up our money. From there we’ll see where we are and if we can get an apartment of our own and start school (staying with my grandparents in the mean time). I’m anxious to get back into school as soon as possible as I have a lot that I want to do, but at the same time, I’m anxious to find a job and save money. The latter, of course, has to come first.

Hmmmm… what else? Ah! Deadeyes and Monochrome-Heaven…

I’ve come to realize.. or rather admit, that there was a lot that I wanted to have and do on DS that I simply do not have the skill to code. And that ultimately, I believe, is the cause for everything to be delayed for so.. so so long. It’s depressing in a way, but at the same time it lifts a heavy weight off my chest about things. To finally admit that there is still a lot I must learn. But! That doesn’t mean manda or I are scraping DS. Quite the opposite actually. We’re going to sit down sometime after she gets here and settles down a bit (ie, kaimandaalonetime) and re-think our strategy. We’re going to go through our code and theme stuff and cut back on a lot of code, and finally release just a very simple website / database. No news, no fancy gallery, no bells and whistles. Just a simple band and discography database, where the monochrome-heaven staff and VIP members will fill in with awesome-tastic information. With time, as manda and I develop in web development, we will slowly improve and add on to DS. But for now… K.I.S.S. Manda and I (and the MH staff) want DS online and up for the public. Nothing official, but I would like it to see it online by the end of May. Again, that’s nothing official, but we’ll see :3

So, thats the jest of whats going on with Kai and Manda<3 (like you, if anyone even reads this, cared). Jyaa for now!

Was still in Seattle to be exact actually. I kinda.. really miss it there :x But 8D; good news is, next year at the end of March, I’ll be moving there <3 alsowithsomeonesecret.

I really look forward to going to school there. And thank God for public transportation that doesn’t fail (too much at least) <3

It’s both a very exciting and scary endeavor to be making. But again, I won’t be alone :3 not only do I have my secret somebody, but I have family there as well. Wish me luck!

Other than that. DS has made a dramatic turn for the… better! 8D Had you going there didn’t I? You were worried that DS was going down, huh? Haha, I fooled you 8D; butnotreally.

We have merged with a fantastic community that some of you might know (or even be a member at?), their staff is awesome, and members even awesomer (at least some of them ;D). So go check them (us) out! www.taintedworld.deadeyes-star.com

DS is slowly making its come back, with an awesome back-end in the making to make things so much easier and high-tech awesome for our staff. So keep an eye out for things ;D I’m hoping DS will officially be open by mid of next year.

Thats all for now ;-; じゃあまた～★

Panini time! Made it with a slice of turkey, pepperoni, wrapped around two slices of swiss cheese. Was so good ;;

LET YOUR MOUTH WATER. GO.

But never fear! Kai is here!

… That was out of context, but anyways. I’ll (try to) start blogging every day here 8D; and I’ll (try to) start taking pictures of things to make the posts exciting, even if I don’t do anything exciting (ie, like today). Maybe I can feel Japanese with this and post pictures of my food! 8D; I’m excited now, so! 行きますよ！

—– Dramatic Line Thing —–

Not a very exciting day D; Helped grandma bring things down from the loft area where her office/computer is, and played house maid (or is it.. condo maid?) and cleaned the condo while she was gone at a meeting since she had a client coming over (hurr, makes it sound like my grandma’s a…) soon after she would be getting home. Guess it’s the condo’s garden/landscape guy (hurr, makes it sound even worst), and he’s looking for a house to buy. She’s a real estate agent, not a hooker :B

Again, not an exciting day. Sat in room while dude person was over and worked on DS. I did! However, take a picture of my room after I vacuumed and cleaned it up a little bit, for Manda to see what a good job I did :B

Messy bed! D;

Sadly ;; that’s all for now. I might post again as I’m about to make myself some lunch :B and I… really want to take a picture of it and post it on here XDD

じゃあ！

Test Mode
Windows 7
Build 7600

As you can see in le screenshot here:

Not pretty ;;

But! Through the awesome use of Google, I have found out how to get out of it 8D;

Just open up a command prompt (click “start”, type cmd and hit enter) and type in the following

bcdedit -set loadoptions ENABLE_INTEGRITY_CHECKS
bcdedit -set TESTSIGNING OFF

Now simply reboot and viola! No more テストモード!

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I do not believe such thoughts are arrogant or selfish. It is simply a matter of perception; we can empathize with someone else, but we cannot truly see the world as another person sees it, or judge events as they affect the mind and the heart of another, even a friend.

But we must try. For the sake of all the world, we must try. This is the test of altruism, the most basic and undeniable ingredient for society. Therein lies the paradox, for ultimately, logically, we must care more about ourselves than about others, and yet, if, as rational beings we follow that logical course, we place our needs and desires above the needs of our society, and then there is no community.

…

Because of everything of  value that we will know in this life comes from our relationships with those around us. Because there is nothing material that measures against the intangibles of love and friendship.

Thus we must overcome that selfishness and try; we must care.

…

I would rather have my physical heart torn from my chest, than have my heart of hearts, the essence of love, the empathy and need to belong to something bigger than my corporeal form, destroyed.

They are a curious thing, these emotions. How they fly in the face of logic, how they overrule the most basic instincts. Because, in the measure of time, in the measure of humanity, we sense those self-indulgent instincts to be a weakness, we sense that the needs of the community must outweigh the desires of the one. Only when we admit to our failures and recognize our weaknesses can we rise above them

Together.

–Drizzt Do’Urden